While My Freshly Cleaned Carpet is Drying......

Immobility due to drying carpets forces me to write today. I am confined to the kitchen. Yes, my computer is in the kitchen because I do not use my kitchen for cooking. Rather than have wasted counter top space (small bar area), I write here.

Being a writer--and it's still difficult for me to admit that I am--makes one vulnerable.  It involves sharing information or putting a spin on information or having an opinion about information or about entertaining with information. This wears me out.

It's also a tricky thing because of the motive. Is my writing paving the way for financial reward? Am I writing purely for aesthetic purposes? Do I want Oprah to recognize me? Or, am I writing because it's like talking to myself which I already do?

As you can tell, I tend to over analyze life. It's a curse from birth--anyone born in a hospital named Root Memorial has this issue. Why can't I just write to write and be done with it? I think I feel guilty writing about the mundane and writing knowing that it is being done to be read immediately. There's something more noble about an Anne Frank diary experience--she had no idea that sixty years later school children would be reading her material.

Maybe I need to draw on my athletic career for the analogy to know that my writing--whether posted or not--has some merit. Being an athlete for me was a job. Practice was important. I wanted to excel all the time, not just when someone was looking. Having said that, of course I was extra motivated when someone special was in the stands. It was exhilarating to think I was doing something--and hopefully doing it well--to impress. But impressing others wasn't nearly as important as impressing myself. I was my harshest critic.

My public school writing in English classes was stilted, formulated, and not original. I was writing to turn in a structurally perfect paper or to please a teacher. Today, it is my voice that comes across on paper. Yes, I still want the words on paper to sound and "look good." But I strive now not for perfection but for communication. This maturing has made me a better teacher of writing, too. Effective communication doesn't always use good grammar.

Case in point: today's post isn't about anything really. But, it gave me something constructive to do while waiting for that dang carpet to dry. And that's good enough for me even if it doesn't impress you.